1926 - 19441944 - 19521952 - 19591959 - 19691969 - 19891989 - 19991999 - 2004



Bernard was a beautiful man. I don't think I have known anybody quite so acutely observant and intellectually curious as he and I feel sad that we were not able to enjoy his stimulating company these last few years. Since getting to know you both in 1967, I have been in awe at the tranquillity and equanimity of your extraordinarily long life partnership. 
(Clive and Marion, Ojai, California)

 Many other friends wrote  about our relationship, which surprised – and delighted  – me, as they would have done Bernard. . At the risk of seeming  self-indulgent  and boastful, I  include many of these flattering comments,  to commemorate Bernard.. 

Do know of the glorious impact your lives together have had on so many.
(Silas Mountsier, New Jersey)

our thoughts are with you, and with that brave and gracious soul, Bernard, whose presence at your 80th was of such love and energy - the rare kind that settles on people who have loved and been loved very deeply. We honour him with you.
(Lesley Fordred-Green, UCT)

From the Santa Barbara days I have, somewhere, some photos of Bernard showing our boys (aged 8 and 
4!) something in a tree, or perhaps it was the tree itself, in a nearby state park; regaling them with details as though they professional ornithologists, or arborists, or entomologists (or all of the above, as Bernard certainly was) with little or no watering down for their age. They were and remained impressed. Bernard had an inexhaustible supply of curiousity and knowledge, and simply assumed everyone else had them too.
(John Nellis,Washington, DC) 

Bernard was a very special man. Gill and I will always remember sitting around the table in Sherborne listening to the marvelous tales Bernard and you told. We thought you both wonderful conversationalists, an art that we much admire. 
 (Mattison Mines, UCSB)

We greatly admire you both for a long, happy and exemplary relationship, and will retain happy memories of all our visits and interactions with you both over the years. We will miss Bernard's insatiable curiosity, sense of humour, wide knowledge and enthusiasm for life. He must have been a great companion. 
(Martin and Val West, UCT)

The strength and depth of your long relationship has been a beautiful testimony to human goodness, a model for all of us to emulate.
(Michael and Sylvia Horowitz, Binghamton, NY)

I was so lucky to be able to spend time with Bernard in September. It was a privilege to be with the two of you and has helped me understand more about love and to build my picture of Bernard who will always be remembered. I especially enjoyed his anecdotes and points of information that always set the natural and human context of every story; the colour of the flowers, the local history, the relationships of the protagonists, the geographical contours, ..... the tapestry of the story. 
(Mike Sansom, Bristol)

Bernard was a shining example of a completely selfless human being, whose kindness exuded from him,  & I for one  was very privileged to know him

(Patricia  Martin, Sherborne)

I remember the first time we met you both, when we stayed with you in TanRhoCal, and particularly Bernard's excellent direction of our dinner. At the time Magnus was planning to spend some time in San Diego, and Bernard carefully found and presented him with some tourist and geographical information, which we still have. At that time, we weren't at all certain of our future together, and I remember thinking how strong your relationship was, and hoping (as I still do) that we might be lucky enough to share something similar.
(Paula and Magnus Walter, London)

My father would have appreciated your guidance and mentorship of me, I could not be where I am now without the gentle guiding hands of Bernard and you.
(Peter and Denise Castro, Syracuse, NY)

Tom and I have always remarked on how lucky we were to have mentors like you and Bernard, who continually served as role models, supporters and friends,
(Miriam Chaiken, Indiana Pennsylvania)

I have such good memories of him and the classes he taught…both of you had a lot of influence on my thinking
(Kate Emmons, California)

…… two memories  were most prominent in my mind. One was of Bernard’s always smiling face. His bright eyes and broad wide smile always gave me a sense of warmth and being at home.  But my second memory is not directly of him but of you and how your face would fill with love whenever you spoke to him or spoke of him. ……… your face took on a tenderness that expressed more than any words could. Bernard lived a full life not because he lived a long or eventful life but because he lived one filled with love…….. you and Bernard have taught  me much about life but even more about love.
(Alfredo Varela, Tokyo)

I remember Bernard as a humble host in your Santa Barbara home where he explained the geological characteristics of those egg-shaped polished stones ...... I remember well-spirited Bernard in Dorset in 1997...... needless to say that the Hindus believe in the eternity of the soul. Bernard's soul will enjoy an eternal bliss.
(Manasendu Kundu, Calcutta)

There are tears in my eyes as I write this which reflects in a small way the great love that I know you and Bernard had for each other. ….. Bernard's courage to carry on with all the illnesses he had suffered showed not only tremendous courage but the extent of your ability to sustain him and give meaning to his life.

(Ted  Scudder, Altadena, California)

I have such lovely memories of the times I've spent with you both. The meals we've shared, the conversations we've had, the plays we've seen, the wine we've drunk, the laughter and the pain. I'll miss Bernard terribly. 
(Anne-Marie Shawe, London)

How fortunate you were to have such a soul mate. How fortunate we were to have such a friend.
(Connie Thomas, Ithaca, NY)

We have happy memories of his elegance and wit on that occasion, (lunch at Buitenverwachting)  so that we truly forgot about the illness and the stroke and just enjoyed the company of both of you without any shadows. 
(Jo & Eric Hanley, Dhaca, Bangladesh)

It startles me to realise that you and Bernard first got together in July 1954 when I was two and a half……... it all seems a long time ago in fact a lifetime. . I also envy you not a little your 50 years of love and companionship something not many people are blessed with. What an enriching experience that must be. What a rich and lucky man you are and have been and what a rich fellow Bernard was thanks to you.
          Its such a miracle when two people find each other and then in one another a lifetime's happiness. What a fabulous contrast to the usual human lot. Its inspiring and also stimulates hope in all of us. When life appears bleak and depressing then stories like you and Bernard lighten the load considerably.
(Donald Gill, Fish Hoek)

I think you and Bernard had a marriage that so many would envy and you must have many wonderful memories to cherish. (Bernard and I never described our relationship as a  “marriage”. DB)
( My nephew, Garry Brokensha, Kloof, Natal)

But my most special memories of him will always be those last few days and evenings we all spent in December. I will never forget the poem he recited - like he learnt it yesterday. His insistence for that
other glass of bubbly and right to the very end, his zest for life and enjoyment of his little "tippler".

You are both so very lucky to have found each other - and he never stopped telling me that whether you were
there or not, but you knew how much he appreciated the love and dedication you showed him.

My walk ended all too quickly and I never even felt the chill. I was just so absorbed in the smallest part of a life of a man who really was such a gentle giant and loved by all, especially by my uncle.
(My niece, Judy Homan, Umhlanga, Natal)

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such love, caring and adoration between two people, not forgetting the genuine concern for each other’s feelings. You two are the most fantastic example to all couples. All your days you have truly lived each day to the full.
(My niece, Robin Morris, Florida)

You are both special people and it has always been a joy to be around you individually or as a couple. I am a total believer in the essentialness of being in a spiritual relationship with another person, and you and Bernard certainly have that, because it has not gone but just  radically changed by the absence of his physical presence.
(Nigel Morris, Robin’s husband)

We were so fortunate to have visited you in October and been able to spend so much time with  you both, enjoying your company. One thing I think of again and again is how you managed to make Bernard’s life so worthwhile, and even when he wasn’t well you gave him good quality by your  enthusiasm and care. ( that was largely because Bernard, right up to the end, was so  responsive. DB) We were glad to  have read the truly interesting and inspiring life story written by his young great-nephew.
(My niece Deirdre, Caithness, Scotland)

I still remember first meeting Bernard at an interval outside the Lobero Theatre, Santa Barbara.  You had both just returned from London. Bernard spoke of your time there with such enthusiasm, such joy, that I knew him for a soul mate instantly. Bernard was one with beauty. For that, and for his sweetness, we miss him
    The picture ( attached ) is of a beautiful lily that bloomed just when Bernard died. I wish that you could see it, for when it blossomed, I wept.
(Claire Bachmuth, Santa Barbara, and London)

Bernard was a fine and sensitive human being, a thoughtful and engaging intellect, and a great companion to you…..he will be waiting for us all in the “Great Margarita Party” in the sky.
(Manuel Carlos, UCSB)

Like Bunyan’s Pilgrim, all the trumpets will have sounded for him “on the other side”. Bernard’s life set us a high example, as it will have done to many others.
(George Kimble, Bernard’s professor at Indiana University, now 95 years old)

a person of rare intelligence, sensitivity and insight
(Peter Moock, Larchmont, NY)

we felt humble and admiring before your devotion to each other, transforming the hard times into a celebration of things of the spirit beyond my understanding, but which give me hope.
(Mary Dyson, France)

You have showed such a consoling example of the possibility of lasting human love….the two of you made something very valuable – and not only to yourselves.
(Jean la Fontaine, London)

Bernard has touched the lives of many with his wit, sense of humour, generous nature, love of language, joy in living…..I hope you will take great comfort in the 49  years of a happy relationship, happy events, interesting travels, wonderful friends, a blessing not given to many.
(Dora Seu, Honolulu)

Yours was a remarkable, genuine and faithful life-long relationship such as is given to few people, and which, I am sure, has been an inspiration and revelation of the basic values of the human  soul, to a lot of people.
(Robin Simpson, St.Francis Bay – at Durban High School with me)

David and Bernard’s love struck one from the moment one met –mainly because it possessed the important matter of all – mutual respect.
(Davina Kirby, Arniston, Cape)

I saw in my mind the image of the caring Bernard, and I remembered how I first met the two of you  (Kenya, 1972) , and how caring Bernard became as we stayed at Siakago, and also in America, and then I shed tears. Agnes my wife really felt it and sobbed uncontrollably as she remembered Bernard taking a photograph of our son Mwaniki when he was a baby.
(Enos Njeru, Nairobi)

Alastair and I were so fond of him and always felt uplifted after enjoying a delicious lunch, which was accompanied by a fascinating conversation….you enriched each other’s lives with your deep love and respect.
(Shirley Dark, London)

You both certainly knew how to live life to the full wherever you were, and in times of adversity
Gill Freemantle, Wiltshire)

I have vivid recollections of a warm, genial humane spirit , a joy to be with
(Christine Hetherington, Dublin)

I met Bernard in Tanga, before you did! He used to fizz like champagne and he  was still fizzing the last time we met – it was a rare gift. I have many memories from dancing the polka on the rain-soaked dance floor of Tanga Yacht Club, to watching our divining rods taking Bernard, very firmly, towards the old-lady-of-Scugdale’s grave on the Moors
(Daphne Ainley, Yorkshire)

Bernard’s magnificent photo is sitting  on the window ledge above my desk. He looks just like a millionaire from the southwest. Of course he would have recoiled in horror at the suggestion, but he looks so glamorous one could almost imagine him making big donations to inappropriately establishment causes
(Rita Cruise O’Brien, London and Dorset)

It was always so good to see the joy you brought to each other, even during Bernard’s last illness…your love was so big and generous that it spread around to all who came in contact with you both
(Lyndie Wright, London)

it seemed to me that the last days together were the culmination of a profound partnership….I enjoyed the humourous comments of Bernard and the conscious “celebration” of the last days and hours you had together.
(Therese Neuer-Miebach.  Frankfurt am Main)

It is very sad to know that Bernard with his smile and his interest and care for people , his love for you and his family and friends is missing from our lives now BUT wasn’t it beautiful to have known him ? The lovely man. …..I loved the fact that he said “Goodbye” – so like him….with all our love and trust in the Lord that Bernard is with him, safe and happy, no more pain, except perhaps his loss of you and his concern for you…..with memories of joy and thanksgiving for your places in our lives.
(Georgie and Jonathan Simons, Yetminster, Dorset)

It is an enormous sadness to lose some-one of such stature. Your long relationship together was, and is, an example to us all. You were the perfect example of Saint Paul’s great treatise on love. I’m sure that over the years you had your moments ( we did! DB) but you were so patient , understanding, loving and accepting of each other. Such a privilege to have that and so terrible to lose it.
(Pat Appleyard,  Sherborne. One of Bernard’s sponsors when he joined the Catholic church)

It was so obvious how happy you were together, and it is lovely to be with people who are deeply happy together. And Bernard always took such special photos for the Christmas Card.
(Jane Kemmis-Betty, Sherborne , Bernard’s other sponsor)

The enclosed photo captures Bernard completely and brings back fine memories of the times Jimmy and I had delicious and unusual meals at your home. They were often followed by a fascinating talk, with slides, given by Bernard, and what a superb photographer he was.
(Sheila Clark, Sherborne)

You were such a gentle couple, and caring and gracious even during the trying times.
(Elsa, receptionist to Dr.Eedes, our oncologist)

I  will remember Bernard with great respect and affection, but above all the caring and love that shone from your relationship.
(Janet Steen, hearing consultant)

When I left Bulawayo in 1957, Bernard’s words to me were “don’t allow yourself to go backward in life”. Very sage advice, that I adhered to.
(Graham Dickason, Cape Town)

In the Bulawayo years the two of your were kind to me and your two flats were places of love and happiness. I cherish the thought of the wonderful food which Bernard used to prepare – those great curry lunches that were served so attractively.
(John Burton, New South Wales)

It would have been a triumphant celebration together of half-a-century together if Bernard had lived until 17th July; but it has been a victory for you anyway: the best part of a life-time spent in the fullest sharing and trust that human fellowship can offer. And so you helped your beloved Bernard to “make a good end” as well as a good life.
(Joan Gillmer, Durban North)

I can’t imagine how you must feel after such a joyous, rich and full relationship.
(Sally Brokensha, Melbourne)

I have been thinking of words of solace for you, and I found this passage in a devotional tract published by the Episcopal Diocese of Southern Ohio.   “ There is a memorial stone in Liverpool Cathedral marking the earthly resting place of one of the greatest orthopedic surgeons, Robert Jones. The inscription reads ‘Here  lies all that could die of Robert Jones’. Death only takes the part of us that can die…the most important part is what animated the body and made it what it was”.
(Gifford Doxsee, Athens, Ohio)


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